Logbook of an italian cooperant in Middle East – and elsewhere

Archivio per febbraio, 2017

What they see (sometimes)

Sometimes, they leave everything behind – their home, their family. Sometimes their spouse and their children. They leave kilometres, countries, ecosystems behind.

They have encountered dust, jail, sometimes torture. And fear, all the time – many others couldn’t make it until the end.

Sometimes, they arrive. And then, sometimes, something like this is waiting for them: this landscape, this Volcano, this port facing an old, charming city.

And sometimes, for a second, they forget their fears and pain, while they are gazing at such enchanting landscape.

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Humanity VS Technology – the Millennials

A truly inspiring video: Millennials in the workplace, by Simon Sinek. It’s an interview worth the whole 15′ of its duration.

With my former boss, I used to have many conversations on the (ab)use of the devices. Many of the topics we discussed are mentioned by Sinek. One of them is particularly “sensitive” at workplace or when you spend a night with your friends: nowadays, it’s almost impossible not to look at your mobile for more than a minute.

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At my farewell party in Iraq, I made an experiment – I called it “the mobile game”. Upon arrival, people were invited to put their mobile in a case with other 4-5 mobiles. The first one who would check on the mobile, should pay the drinks for the whole case. Many people refused to participate.

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Here goes the full transcript of the interview:

“Apparently, millennials as a group of people, which are those born from approximately 1984 and after, are tough to manage. They are accused of being entitled and narcissistic, self interested, unfocused and lazy – but entitled is the big one. 

Because they confound the leadership so much, leaders will say “what do you want?” And millennials will say “we want to work in a place with purpose, we want to make an impact, we want free food and bean bag chairs.” Any yet when provided all these things they are still not happy. And that is because there is a missing piece.

It can be broken down into 4 pieces actually. 1 Parenting. 2 Technology. 3 Impatience. 4 Environment.

The generation that is called the millennials, too many of them grew up subject to “failed parenting strategies.” Where they were told that they were special – all the time, they were told they can have anything they want in life, just because they want it. Some of them got into honors classes not because they deserved it but because their parents complained. Some of them got A’s not because they earned them, but because the teachers didn’t want to deal with the parents. Some kids got participation medals, they got a medal for coming in last. Which the science we know is pretty clear is that it devalues the medal and the reward for those who actually work hard and that actually makes the person who comes in last embarrassed because they know they didn’t deserve it so that actually makes them feel worse.

You take this group of people and they graduate and they get a job and they’re thrust into the real world and in an instant they find out they are not special, their mom’s can’t get them a promotion, that you get nothing for coming in last and by the way you can’t just have it because you want it. In an instant their entire self image is shattered. So we have an entire generation that is growing up with lower self esteem than previous generations.

 The other problem to compound it is we are growing up in a Facebook/Instagram world, in other words, we are good at putting filters on things. We’re good at showing people that life is amazing even though I am depressed…

Everybody sounds tough, and everybody sounds like they have it all figured out and the reality is there’s very little toughness and most people don’t have it all figured out. So when the more senior people say “well, what should we do?” they sound like “this is what you gotta do!” – but they have no clue.

So you have an entire generation growing up with lower self esteem than previous generations – through no fault of their own, they were dealt a bad hand. Now let’s add in technology. We know that engagement with social media and our cell phones releases a chemical called dopamine. That’s why when you get a text – it feels good. In a 2012 study, Harvard research scientists reported that talking about oneself through social media activates a pleasure sensation in the brain usually associated with food, money and sex. It’s why we count the likes, it’s why we go back ten times to see if the interaction is growing, and if our Instagram is slowing we wonder if we have done something wrong, or if people don’t like us anymore. The trauma for young kids to be unfriended it too much to handle. We know when you get the attention it feels good, you get a hit of dopamine which feels good which is why we keep going back to it. Dopamine is the exact same chemical that makes us feel good when we smoke, when we drink and when we gamble. In other words, it’s highly, highly addictive…

We have age restrictions on smoking, drinking and gambling but we have no age restrictions on social media and cell phones. Which is the equivalent of opening up the liquor cabinet and saying to our teenagers “hey by the way, if this adolescence thing gets you down – help yourself.”

An entire generation now has access to an addictive, numbing chemical called dopamine, through cellphones and social media, while they are going through the high stress of adolescence. 

Why is this important? Almost every alcoholic discovered alcohol when they were teenagers. When we are very, very young the only approval we need is the approval of our parents and as we go through adolescence we make this transition where we now need the approval of our peers. Very frustrating for our parents, very important for the teenager. It allows us to acculturate outside of our immediate families and into the broader tribe. It’s a highly, highly stressful and anxious period of our lives and we are supposed to learn to rely on our friends.  

Some people, quite by accident, discover alcohol, the numbing effects of dopamine, to help them cope with the stresses and anxieties of adolescence. Unfortunately that becomes hard wired in their brains and for the rest of their lives, when they suffer significant stress, they will not turn to a person, they will turn to the bottle. Social stress, financial stress, career stress, that’s pretty much the primary reasons why an alcoholic drinks. But now because we are allowing unfettered access to these devices and media, basically it is becoming hard wired and what we are seeing is that they grow older, too many kids don’t know how to form deep, meaningful relationships. “Their words, not mine.”

They will admit that many of their relationships are superficial, they will admit that they don’t count on their friends, they don’t rely on their friends. They have fun with their friends, but they also know that their friends will cancel on them when something better comes along. Deep meaningful relationships are not there because they never practiced the skillset and worse, they don’t have the coping mechanisms to deal with stress. So when significant stress begins to show up in their lives, they’re not turning to a person, they’re turning to a device, they’re turning to social media, they’re turning to these things which offer temporary relief. 

We know, the science is clear, we know that people who spend more time on Facebook suffer higher rates of depression than people who spend less time on Facebook.

These things balanced, are not bad. Alcohol is not bad, too much alcohol is bad. Gambling is fun, too much gambling is dangerous. There is nothing wrong with social media and cellphones, it’s the imbalance.

If you are sitting at dinner with your friends, and you are texting somebody who is not there – that’s a problem. That’s an addiction. If you are sitting in a meeting with people you are supposed to be listening and speaking to, and you put your phone on the table, that sends a subconscious message to the room “you’re just not that important.” The fact that you can’t put the phone away, that’s because you are addicted. 

If you wake up and you check your phone before you say good morning to your girlfriend, boyfriend or spouse, you have an addiction. And like all addictions, in time, it will destroy relationships, it will cost time, it will cost money and it will make your life worse.

So we have a generation growing up with lower self-esteem that doesn’t have the coping mechanisms to deal with stress and now you add in the sense of impatience. They’ve grown up in a world of instant gratification. You want to buy something, you go on Amazon and it arrives the next day. You want to watch a movie, logon and watch a movie. You don’t check movie times. You want to watch a TV show, binge. You don’t even have to wait week-to-week-to-week. Many people skip seasons, just so they can binge at the end of the season…

Instant gratification. You want to go on a date? You don’t even have to learn how to be socially awkward on that first date. You don’t need to learn how to practice that skill. You don’t have to be the uncomfortable person who says yes when you mean no and no when you mean yes. Swipe right – bang – done! You don’t even need to learn the social coping mechanism.

Everything you want you can have instantaneously. Everything you want, instant gratification, except, job satisfaction and strength of relationships – their ain’t no out for that. They are slow, meandering, uncomfortable, messy processes. 

And so millennials are wonderful, idealistic, hardworking smart kids who’ve just graduated school and are in their entry-level jobs and when asked “how’s it going?” they say “I think I’m going to quit.” And we’re like “why?” and they say “I’m not making an impact.” To which we say – “you’ve only been there eight months…” 

It’s as if their standing at the foot of a mountain and they have this abstract concept called impact that they want to have on the world, which is the summit. What they don’t see is the mountain. I don’t care if you go up the mountain quickly or slowly, but there’s still a mountain. And so what this young generation needs to learn is patience. That some things that really, really matter, like love or job fulfillment, joy, love of life, self confidence, a skillset, any of these things, all of these things take time. Sometimes you can expedite pieces of it, but the overall journey is arduous and long and difficult and if you don’t ask for help and learn that skillset, you will fall off the mountain. Or the worst case scenario, we’re seeing an increase in suicide rates in this generation, we’re seeing an increase in accidental deaths due to drug overdoses, we’re seeing more and more kids drop out of school or take a leave of absence due to depression. Unheard of. This is really bad.

The best case scenario, you’ll have an entire population growing up and going through life and just never really finding joy. They’ll never really find deep, deep fulfillment in work or in life, they’ll just waft through life and it things will only be “just fine.” “How’s your job?” “It’s fine, same as yesterday…” “How’s your relationship?” “It’s fine…”

That’s the best case scenario.  

Which leads to the fourth point which is environment. Which is we’re taking this amazing group of young, fantastic kids who were just dealt a bad hand and it’s no fault of their own, and we put them in corporate environments that care more about the numbers than they do about the kids. They care more about the short-term gains than the life of this young human being. We care more about the year than the lifetime. We are putting them in corporate environments that are not helping them build their confidence. That aren’t helping them learn the skills of cooperation. That aren’t helping them overcome the challenges of a digital world and finding more balance. That isn’t helping them overcome the need for instant gratification and teach them the joys and impact and the fulfillment you get from working hard on something for a long time that cannot be done in a month or even in a year.

So we thrust them into corporate environments and the worst thing is they think it’s them. They blame themselves. They think it’s them who can’t deal. And so it makes it all worse. It’s not them. It’s the corporations, it’s the corporate environment, it’s the total lack of good leadership in our world today that is making them feel the way they do. They were dealt a bad hand and it’s the company’s responsibility to pick up the slack and work extra hard and find ways to build their confidence, to teach them the social skills that their missing out on. 

There should be no cellphones in conference rooms. None, zero. When sitting and waiting for a meeting to start, instead of using your phone with your head down, everyone should be focused on building relationships. We ask personal questions, “How’s your dad? I heard he was in the hospital.” “Oh he’s really good thanks for asking. He’s actually at home now.” “Oh I’m glad to hear that.” “That was really amazing.” “I know, it was really scary for a while there.” — That’s how you form relationships. “Hey did you ever get that report done?” “No, I totally forgot.” “Hey, I can help you out. Let me help you.” “Really?” — That’s how trust forms. Trust doesn’t form at an event in a day. Even bad times don’t form trust immediately. It’s the slow, steady consistency and we need to create mechanisms where we allow for those little innocuous interactions to happen. 

When we are out with friends, as we are leaving for dinner together, we leave our cell phones at home. Who are we calling? Maybe one of us will bring a phone in case we need to call an Uber. It’s like an alcoholic. The reason you take the alcohol out of the house is because we cannot trust our willpower. We’re just not strong enough. But when you remove the temptation, it actually makes it a lot easier. When you just say “Don’t check your phone,” people will just go to the bathroom and what’s the first thing we do? We look at the phone.

When you don’t have the phone, you just check out the world. And that’s where ideas happen. The constant, constant, constant engagement is not where you have innovation and ideas. Ideas happen when our minds wander and we see something and we think, “I bet they could do that…” That’s called innovation. But we’re taking away all those little moments. 

None of us should charge our phones by our beds. We should be charging our phones in the living rooms. Remove the temptation. We wake up in the middle of the night because you can’t sleep, you won’t check your phone, which makes it worse. But if it’s in the living room, it’s relaxed, it’s fine. Some say “but it’s my alarm clock.” Buy an alarm clock. They cost eight dollars.

The point is, we now in industry, whether we like it or not, we don’t get a choice, we now have a responsibility to make up the shortfall. And help this amazing, idealistic, fantastic generation build their confidence, learn patience, learn the social skills, find a better balance between life and technology because quite frankly it’s the right thing to do.”


SMETTO QUANDO VOGLIO – MASTERCLASS di Sydney Sibilia (2017)

Il secondo capitolo di “Smetto quando voglio” inizia esattamente doveva ci aveva lasciato: il neurobiologo Pietro si trova dietro le sbarre e riceve la visita della sua compagna e del suo bimbo. E poi un geniale flashbak ci riporta al momento dell’incidente e del seguente interrogatorio della polizia che aveva dato una battuta d’arresto all’attività della banda. Ma Pietro, con l’aiuto o piuttosto l’ordine della poliziotta Coletti, riuscirà a rimettere insieme il suo gruppo di ricercatori, questa volta con un fine “legale”: cercare di fermare le smart drugs che ancora non sarebbero illegali, per poter tornare finalmente liberi.

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Ecco a voi il film italiano dell’anno. E non è il solito drammone sociale, né un’elucubrazione d’autore, e neppure la furbetta commedia-cinepanettone. Qui si guarda da una parte alla “pancia” degli spettatori italiani, e dall’altra alla serialità americana, ovvero a nientepopodimeno che a “Ritorno al futuro”: l’obiettivo – riuscito – è far ridere in modo geniale, lasciando lo spettatore in sospeso in attesa del finale, e nel frattempo inserendo una serie di gag esilaranti che già ci avevano già convinto ampiamente la prima volta, con l’aggiunta di icone surreali-cartoonesche e citazioni varie che riescono a creare un linguaggio fresco e accattivante, che fanno venir voglia di “ancora, e ancora”.

Noi puntiamo tutto su questo sequel, estremamente divertente ma che non si discosta dalla nostra realtà, insomma il giusto mix che ci fa ridere e sognare allo stesso tempo. In attesa di vedere i nostril sgangherati eroi ancora in azione, nell’imminente gran finale (anticipato proprio durante i titoli di coda).

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PER CHI AMA IL GUSTO DI: ridere a crepapelle, a metà tra la commedia italiana di buona qualità e l’action-comedy americana.

SCENA CULT: Su tutte, l’inseguimento del treno: rarissimo vedere una scena così nel cinema italiano – non a caso ha richiesto ben 15 giorni di riprese. Un tempismo di azione e comicità che non ha pari.

FRASE CULT: “Ommioddio. Ho distrutto una Colonna ionica dell’epoca di Adriano. Uccidetemiiiiiii!!” (urlato dall’archeologo Paolo Calabresi, risate e applausi a scena aperta).

BRANO CULT: A better son/daughter” di Rino Kiley. Canzone perfetta per un finale perfetto: brano in crescendo, una specie di marcetta militare che è l’accompagnamento ideale a quanto sta succedendo, che in parte ci aspettavamo, ma non del tutto.

VOTO: 9

-DOC-

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A perfect timing: the story of a hero of our times, a Syrian refugee.

On the same day Trump came out with the Syrian-refugees ban, this book was published in the US: ‘A hope more powerful than the sea’.

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The story is about Doaa, a 19-year old Syrian from Daraa, the city where all began. She was forced to leave her city and to take the perilous trip at sea, where the ship was attacked by pirates and 500 people drowned. But she saved herself and a small baby. Becoming a hero.

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The book is written by Melissa Fleming, UNHCR Spokesperson that had met Doaa in 2015, after the shipwreck, while she was hosted by a family in Greece. “On behalf of those 500 people who drowned, can we make sure that they did not die in vain? Could we be inspired by what happened, and take a stand for a world in which every life matters?” This convinced her to write this book. And  just like the movies, the book came out exactly when Syrian refugees were banned from entering the US. Perfect timing to read the incredible story of the Syrian diaspora, through the eyes and the emotions of a simple girl who passed through the worst that could happen in a lifetime, and yet became a hero. It is such an inspirational story. You can find the book here.